Attic Treasures

Old pictures. Boxes of mail. Pictures stuck in between mail. Clothes. Wrapping paper. Empty bags. Purses. Shoes. Blankets. Glass jars. Picture frames. Candles. Jewelry. Books. Halloween costumes. Pumpkins for trick-or-treating. Fireplace screen. Cushions. Cassette tapes. Magazines. Sleeping bags. Broken chair. Suitcases. Knickknacks. Old pay stubs. Taxes from 1971. Toys. Dishes. Christmas decorations.

Attics are notorious for holding all kinds of junk. Things old and new. Things that we don't know what to do with. Things that we think we might want to hold on to. Things we may use again someday. Things we forgot we even had. This attic is no different. We are on day 3 of cleaning out the attic alone. All this stuff to go through is crazy! Part of me wants to just throw it in the dumpster and forget about going through anything. The other part of me wants to make sure we don't throw away anything we might want to keep. I know that if we just toss it without looking, we probably wouldn't miss anything we didn't know was there, but I just can't do that. We have already found things that are now treasures to me because they were Daddy's.

I can't believe some of the stuff Daddy kept. Some of it is funny. Some of it makes me shake my head and say "what was he thinking?" Some brings back memories of my childhood. I laugh. I cry. I'm tired. I'm emotionally exhausted.

Anniversary

Today is Mom & Daddy's Anniversary. They would be married 36 yrs. In some ways it seems like a lifetime and in someways it doesn't seem that long at all. I don't know if I should say anything to Mom or not. I've been struggling with it because I don't want her to get upset or think I didn't remember or that I don't care. I don't think she would think that. Mostly, I just don't want to upset her. I decided I will call her and see if I can get a feel for her mood or see if she brings it up. This is her first anniversary without him. I am sure it will be different for her. They would have done something special. He liked to take her out to dinner and he always bought her flowers and a gift, usually jewelry. I wish I could be with her today but she had to work and we are in Beaver cleaning the house. I know it will be difficult the first year, figuring out how to celebrate special times without him and still remember what he would have said or done. Maybe it will get easier as time goes by. In closing, I will share what I have learned from my parents. One thing that I am thankful for is the example they set in their marriage. They made it through rough times and had alot of good times. They were always there for each other. They showed their love for each other and never let a day go by without saying "I love you". I want the same things for my marriage.

Happy Anniversary Mommy & Daddy, I love you!

More Cleaning Out

This week we are cleaning out the house I grew up in. This is going to be hard. I spent half of my life in this house. I have so many memories. It feels so strange to walk in and find everything the way Daddy left it and for him to not be here. It doesn't feel right. I don't know how else to describe that feeling. This is the first time we've been able to come down since February. I'm hoping we can get most of the stuff cleaned out for my Mom. Daddy kept EVERYTHING! I am not exaggerating! They moved into the house when I was 3 yrs old, so there is over 30 yrs worth of "stuff" here. And while it is just "stuff", it was Daddy's and I feel like this is my only connection to him now. Yes, I have my memories, I have photos, but I don't have him. I have his stuff to remind me of him.

Pictures of Pap Pap

The girls had their last group meeting ("art class") at Healing Hearts tonight. They were asked to bring a picture of Pap Pap with them for a special project. These are the pictures they chose. I had forgotten we even had them. I took them in November when we were at my parent's house for Thanksgiving. I thought the girls were going to make a picture frame for the pictures, but instead they glued them to an egg shaped piece of paper that they decorated. The counselor said the egg represented new life. She asked the children "What is in an egg?"A baby chicken, a little boy responded. The counselor went on to talk about how the egg was a sign of new life being inside. It reminded me that Daddy has a new life in heaven. It was hard to hold back tears, but I did. I look at his pictures and have a hard time believing he is really gone. He looks so real and alive in the photos and it doesn't seem possible that he isn't here anymore. I am so thankful we have these pictures of the girls with Pap Pap and I hope someday they will hold them as a treasure and it will remind them of the special times they shard together and how special they were to him. He really loved them. The children also chose a small wooden bird house that they decorated with stickers. The counselor gave them a heart sticker to put on the birdhouse to remind them of their grandparent. The counselor reminded them that Pap Pap would always be in their heart. We will find a special place to put them so that when they look at it, they can be reminded of Daddy.