Funeral Service

I don't know if people typically write about a funeral service, but I am going to. Daddy's funeral service was very nice. Keith said really wonderful things about him and gave an inspiring message of hope. The songs we chose to have sung were beautiful. I almost wish we had a video of it. Sounds weird, I know, but I would like to hear it again. The service started with Daddy's favorite hymn, Blest Be the Tie That Binds. The words of this song are comforting and I always think of my Dad when I hear it. The words are as follows:

Blest be the tie that binds our hearts in Christian love, the fellowship of kindred minds is like to that above.

Before our Father's throne we pour our ardent prayers, our fears, our hopes, our aims are one, our comforts and our cares.

We share our mutual woes, our mutual burdens bear, And often for each other flows a sympathizing tear.

When we asunder part, it gives us inward pain, But we will still be joined in heart, and hope to meet again.

I will always think of Daddy when I hear or sing that song. I appreciate the message these words bring, that our hearts are bound in Christian love and that we will still be joined in heart when we part from this life.

We included other songs that we knew Daddy liked and we also each chose a song that was our favorite. We also made sure to include Daddy's favorite Scripture:

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going. John 14:1-4

I think more from John 14 was read, but I don't remember everything. Keith also spoke about the Scriptures that give us hope of eternal life in heaven. I decided that I wanted to speak about Daddy and to honor him. Even though I know I don't owe him anything, I felt like I owed him something.

A Tribute to My Dad

My Dad was the best man I’ve ever known. He was always happy, always optimistic, always positive, and always had a smile. Everybody loved him. He loved his family and he made sure we all knew that. His faith in God kept him grounded and he was a wonderful example. He was genuinely a good man. He was always there whenever he was needed no matter what. My favorite scripture is 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and I think this verse describes his character perfectly. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I can’t think of a better way to describe my Dad. He had a way of making everyone feel special and that makes him special. He would always do something to make you laugh or smile whether by telling a joke or just simply by being goofy. He will be greatly missed. I am so thankful that he was my father and my friend and I am so blessed to have been his daughter. He will always hold a special place in my heart. His very last words to me were “I Love You” and I am so glad that I had the chance to say it back. I Love You Daddy.

When the service concluded, we were left to say goodbye to him. I didn't know how to say that. I'm not sure if I even did. I kept looking at him and asking over and over, why & what happened? I didn't want it to be the last time I would ever see him, but it was, on this earth. I know I will see him again someday. I have that hope. I gave wrote him a letter that I left with him. Tessa drew a picture that we left with him and Kaley left a rose with him. I walked out of that church building, the church I was raised in, baptized in, married in, and saying goodbye to my Daddy in feeling heart broken. I will never be the same.

A Letter

I can't sleep. I am trying to write a letter to Daddy. I have no words. I want to tell him how much he meant to me, how much I loved him, how much I hurt right now, but I'm sitting in his rocking chair with my paper & pen but no hand moving across the page. I don't know how to start the very last letter I'll ever write to him. The funeral director told us when we met with him that if we wanted to write a letter to him or have the girls draw a picture, that it would go with him on Friday. I want to do this, but now that I'm sitting down to write, I don't know what to say. I have 35 yrs worth of things to tell him and can't begin to put the words on the paper. I feel like nothing I say will be enough. What do I say to the man that was the best man I've ever known? He raised me. He was the first man I ever loved. He was my father, provider, care taker, my friend, a role model, an encourager, and so much more. But putting that into words right now is difficult. I feel like it shouldn't be, but it is. He truly was the best man I've ever known. He was always there for me no matter what. He was always happy, always smiling and was always optimistic. He always looked at the positive. I am very thankful for him and feel blessed to be his daughter. His character was an example to me that I will keep with me for the rest of my life.

Phone Conversation

I keep going over the last phone conversation I had with Daddy. He called Sunday night around 8:00 or so. He called earlier in the afternoon to let us know they got home ok, but we weren't home. I guess he wanted to talk to me. I remember he asked me if I was feeling better. I told him I was a little. I remember telling him that we were snowed in already. It snowed all afternoon and Rob was outside shoveling 6 inches of snow. He couldn't believe it! I remember him telling me that he, Mommy & Jimmy went over to visit with Aunt Patty & played cards and they just got home. He told me he was going to let me talk to Mommy for a few minutes, then he said his very last words to me "Well, I love you." His last words ever to me. I told him I loved him too. Then talked to my Mom for a few minutes. I don't remember anything after that. My mind is completely blank. I feel like there was more to the conversation, but then again, that could be all there was to it. Daddy was like that. He would call and talk for just a few minutes and that would be it. He would call for no reason, just to say hi. I am so thankful that I had that last conversation with him.

Long Day & Memories

This has been a long day. From getting up early (actually me being up half the night), loading up the cars and traveling 5 hrs to Beaver, meeting with the funeral director, meeting with Keith, and whatever else we did, its all running together now. The girls wanted to ride in the van with Nana, so we let them. While Rob was driving, I was working on the pictures for the funeral director. I thought it would be hard to do it, not just emotionally, but would I even have 50 pictures? I didn't have too many older pictures, but I did have a few that I had scanned into my computer from when Daddy was around one or two yrs old. Most of the pictures were from the past 7-8 years. I wish I had remembered to bring some of my photo albums that had more pictures of him. Instead I had to rely on what I had on my computer. It wasn't as bad going through them.

Alot of memories of Daddy flooded back. Memories from when I was little, how Daddy was the first man I ever loved and when I was four or five, I wanted to marry him (or more a man like him). Memories of him always being there for everything. Memories from my wedding day, how when he told me not to cry when I started to cry, I stopped because he told me to be happy--btw they were happy tears. Memories from when Tessa was born. I called them at 3:30 am to tell them it was time. He said they would still be leaving in the morning. That caught me off guard because I thought he would have jumped out of bed & into the car right away. They did leave not long after I called, Mommy didn't want to wait!

One of my favorite pictures of him is when he is holding his first granddaughter in the hospital, you can see the look of love in his eyes as he looks down at my precious baby Tessa. He was so proud. After going through all of the pictures and deciding which ones to put on the CD, I was finally satisfied with my choices. I decided then that I wanted to have a table set up with other pictures of him so would have some of them printed and put them in an album to have at the funeral home.

I don't remember what time we made it to Beaver, but I was glad to be done traveling. Walking into the house for the first time felt strange. Everything was just like Daddy left it when he left to come to my house for Christmas. I won't talk about how messy it was (no joke!) Rob left right away to get his Mom from the airport. I tried to straighten some stuff up. When Rob got back, we went to the funeral home to make final funeral arrangements. The director was so kind. He talked us through everything. Its all so overwhelming, I don't remember it all. There is so much to think about & decide & figure out. Mark (funeral director) helped us with everything, answered all our questions and calmed our concerns. He was not worried about being paid, he put us first. He said more than once that it was about trust. He thanked us for trusting him with his services to us and in turn he trusted us to pay when we could as long as we communicated with him everything would work out.

After that meeting, the neighbors had us over for dinner. It was so thoughtful of them to have a meal ready for us after traveling all day & having so much to do & think about. They were even gracious enough to have Keith come over to meet with us to talk about the service. When Keith arrived he already had thoughts about what he would say, but asked us if there was anything in particular we wanted said. My first thought was to talk about the hope we have of eternal life with God when we die. He was thinking the same thing. We talked about hymns we wanted to sing. We each chose one of our favorites and included a couple we knew were Daddy's favorites. I did not know his favorite scripture. I wish I had. I had an idea but wasn't sure of the exact verse. I had asked Daddy a while ago if he had one and he described it to me, but even he couldn't remember the exact verse. He told me he would find it, but neither of us talked about it again. When I tried to tell Keith what it was about, he thought it was in John but we weren't sure if it was the exact one. I told him that I would ask Betty if she knew and get back to him. I also told him that I would like to speak at some point in the service and allow an opportunity for any one else that might like to say a few words. I know I didn't owe my Dad anything, but I felt like I owed him something for being the wonderful father and friend he was to me. It was my way of giving back to him.

So, after a long day of traveling, meetings, memories & emotions, I am exhausted.

More Decisions & Second Guessing

So many decisions. Are we making the right ones? Would Daddy be ok with them? Its hard to know without knowing what he really wanted. Mommy said they really never talked about what they wanted for a funeral service or if they wanted to be buried or cremated. Its even harder when he had no will and no life insurance. No will. No life insurance. No kind of coverage for funeral costs. No wishes made known. So now it is up to us as to what to do. We need to keep the cost down as much as we possibly can because my Mom doesn't have the money for any of this. Everything is overwhelming for all of us. Especially Mommy. I can't even image what it is like to lose your spouse. Someone you've spent half your life with. Then to have to make decisions while you're in shock from their sudden death. So, we decided that we needed to have the funeral in Beaver, since that is where he worked and lived and most of his friends and customers are there. Do we bury him or cremate him? If we bury him, where? In Beaver or Wilkes Barre? And if we cremate him, do we bury his ashes and again, where? We decided to have him cremated because burying him would mean additional costs to buy the casket and actually bury him. And we decided to keep the ashes for now, until we figure out if/when & where we should bury him. Then making the decisions of when to have the viewings and funeral service. After going over all of our options, we figured out what we thought was best and I hope it is what Daddy would have wanted.

We contacted our friend Keith from church to do the service. We felt like we wanted to have someone that knew Daddy well and would deliver a meaningful message. Daddy knew Keith from the time he was young and worked with the youth group when Keith was a teen. We set up a time to meet with him to go over the service. We also set up a time to meet with the funeral director to go over everything with him.

After making most of these decisions, I started second guessing some of them. In particular, cremating him. I had a conversation with Betty, a close friend of ours and she mentioned briefly that she didn't think Daddy would have wanted that. Then she did say that we need to do what we feel is best and she didn't have a problem with it personally.

So I started questioning, would he want that? Would he be ok with it? He never said one way or the other. It wasn't something I'd ever thought about myself. I guess I always thought that we would bury him somewhere. Where ever he was living at the time maybe. I don't know. After feeling confused about cremation, I called our preacher to ask if it was anywhere in the scriptures. Does the Bible say anything about it? Is it wrong? He assured me it was not wrong and that the Bible doesn't really say anything specific about it. So I felt that we made the best decision we could have given the circumstances.

I also talked to my mother-in-law for the first time tonight. We decided together that she would fly up from TN, to be with us and help with the girls to keep everything as "normal" as possible for them. I'm glad she is coming. Tomorrow we travel 5 hours to Beaver.

Obituary

How do you write an obituary? This is a person's life. What do you say? It seems trite to just give general information about your loved one. It should be personal. So, this is my Daddy's obituary. Ronald G. Gibbons, 66, of Beaver, PA went home to be with the Lord on December 27, 2010. He unexpectedly passed away at The Wilkes Barre General Hospital. Born September 17, 1944, in Altoona, PA and raised in Ashville, PA, he was a son of the late James and Anne Gibbons and graduated from Cresson High School, Cresson, PA in 1962. Ron worked as a lineman with the I.B.E.W Local 126, Collegeville, PA. He owned and operated his own security company for over 25 years. He was a member of the New Brighton church of Christ, New Brighton, for 34 years. Preceeding him in death besides his parents were three brothers, John, Jim and Joe Gibbons. Adedicated husband and father, Ron will be dearly missed by his wife of 35 years, Mildred (Mim) Geneva Gibbons; four children Kimberly (Rob) Melillo, Danbury, CT. James Gibbons, Plains, PA. Lori (Jason) Swatsworth, and Ronald "Joe" (Sharon) Gibbons, all of West Decatur, PA; three grandchildren Tessa and Kaley Melillo, Danbury, and Jeric Gibbons, West Decatur; three sisters, Patricia Quinn, Swoyersville, PA, Emma (Jack) Morgan, Wilkes Barre, PA and Susie (Derek) Wright, Cassville, PA; three brothers Kenneth (Karen) Gibbons, Tyrone, PA, Paul (Colleen) Gibbons, Reston, VA, and Robert (Lisa) Gibbons, Ashville, PA, as well as several nieces and nephews. friends will be received Thursday from 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m. in the Noll Funeral Home, Inc. 333 Third St., Beaver. A service will be conducted Friday at the New Brighton church of Christ at 11:00 am. Online condolences may be shared at nollfuneral.com In lieu of flowers, please make donations to the New Brighton church of Christ, 820 14th St, New Brighton, PA 15066, in Ron's honor.

Decisions

Yesterday still doesn't feel real. Everything seems like a blur. I think I slept for 2 hours. Maybe. There are so many decisions to be made. Daddy didn't make his wishes known, so we had to decide everything based on what we thought he would want. We thought it was important to have his funeral in my hometown because that is where he lived the past 35 yrs of his life. That was probably the easiest decision to make. The rest was tough. What funeral home? Do we bury him or cremate him? How much is it all going to cost? How will we pay for it? Somehow it would all come together.

Lots of phone calls are coming in and going out. When we first arrived we were trying to figure out how I could see Daddy. We contacted the hospital but they wouldn't let me come as they had already taken him to the morgue. They had to release him to a funeral home. My aunt called the one my uncle was at in August and they were gracious enough to say they would take him so I could see him.

Then we had to find a funeral home in Beaver. We called one that we thought Daddy already had a relationship with as he had done security work for them, but they did not seem very nice or willing to help. I called a close friend and asked her what to do, when told her what happened, she suggested the funeral home she knew would take care of us. This one was very kind, gave us advice, and helped us work through hard decisions. He assured us that we could work everything out over the phone and we could meet with him the day before the viewing. He asked us to fill out the information for the obituary and to put together about 50 pictures of my Dad for a slide show. Rob and I have to go back home today to pack clothes for a week as I rushed and only packed enough for one night. I still can't sleep. I'm exhausted.

The Worst Day

My phone rang at 9:00 am. We were still sleeping. Rob answered the phone. It was my Mom. She was calling to tell us that my Dad had a heart attack. He handed me the phone. What happened? I asked. Daddy had a heart attack. What? Oh no! She explained that he was getting ready to leave to go back to my hometown to work. He went to warm up his van, came back inside and had her check their bank account so they could pay bills. He walked away. She was at the computer when she heard a thud. When she turned around Daddy was on the floor. She went over to him but he wasn't responding. She called 911. They shocked his heart and gave him meds to start his heart. I don't remember my exact words to her, I just remember telling her we would be there as soon as we could. We had to drive 2 1/2 hours. Alot of the morning is a blur. I told Rob to get his shower as I packed suitcases as fast as I could. My girls were asking what was happening and all I could say was that Pap Pap is sick, his heart is sick and we have to go to Nana's house. Rob called the preacher at church to let them know what happened and to relay the message to everyone. Time seemed to be standing still. I couldn't move fast enough. I couldn't think. I prayed to God that my Daddy would be ok. Please let him be ok until I can get there. Be with him and give him strength to get through this. Be with my Mom. We were snowed in. How long would it take to get out? We couldn't get out fast enough. Time was still not moving. 9:31 my cell phone rang. I answered to my Mom's crying voice. Daddy died. I screamed, NO NO NO NO NO. Rob came in from outside when he heard my screams and I just handed him my phone crying. I have no idea what he said. I couldn't breathe. We weren't moving fast enough. We didn't get there in time. I can't breathe. He tried to hold me but I had to get our stuff in the car. This was the worst day. Ever. Two days after Christmas. My Daddy died. What are we going to do without him? I realized after we got our stuff together that all I did was scream into my phone then handed it off to Rob. So I called my Mom back. I'm sorry I just screamed and handed the phone to Rob. I asked how she was and if I needed to call anyone. She couldn't believe it happened. We cried. She told me when she got to the hospital the Dr came out and said he did everything he could. When Daddy came in he had no heart rhythm and no pulse. I told her we were on our way and we'd get there as soon as we could. The roads are bad from the snow storm. I told her I loved her and we'd be there soon. We finally left our house around 10:00 which seemed like an eternity from the first phone call. It was only an hour but it seemed like two. Rob said he flagged down a plow truck and paid him to get us out. We stopped at a diner to get breakfast for the girls. I couldn't eat. Mommy called again. She asked if we were coming to the hospital or the house. I told her to the hospital because I wanted to see Daddy. I needed to see him. We left the diner and she called again. The nurse said they had to move Daddy, they needed the room he was in. I said ok. I'd figure out how I would see him when I got there. The trip seemed to be taking forever. Time was still moving so slowly it seemed. I got at least two phone calls from friends giving me condolences. I don't remember those conversations clearly, but I knew my friends cared and loved me. When we finally got to Mommy's house, we just held each other and cried. What are we going to do without him? What happened? It doesn't seem real. This really was the worst day.