My Note

I wrote a note to my church family that I wanted to have read when I was not there. I didn't want attention, just wanted them to know how much I love and appreciate the support they have shown me since Daddy passed away. I thanked them for that and apologized for taking so long to write the note. I meant to write it much sooner. I don't remember everything I said, but I did say this is the biggest challenge I've ever faced, that I'm in a place I've never been, that I don't understand why God decided it was Daddy's time, and I asked them to pray for me. Instead of it being read last week when I was away, it was read today. I think it must have been "meant to be" because I really needed the encouragement and the words that some of my close friends said to me. One woman came up to me and wanted me to know that God didn't take my Dad. She said that satan is the author of death and told me about when she had heard that. She told me that God loves me and wanted to make sure I knew that. I do. I think what she said helped some. I don't really believe God "took him", but I've always believed that God decides when it is our time to go be with him (maybe God doesn't cause death, but he allows it to happen?) and that is really what I meant. I hope my words weren't misunderstood. Another sweet, older woman came over to me and told me to give my burdens to God, that he wants us to do that. Two women that are very special to me and I feel are so full of spiritual wisdom also approached me. One of the women, Melinda, moved away about two years ago and she didn't know my Dad passed away. I see God's hand in why my note was read today, if it had been last week, Melinda would not have known and I would not have had the time with her this morning. The other woman, Gail, is a very very dear friend and has seen me through some very rough times. I treasure her friendship and I cherish her wisdom. I desire to have that wisdom some day. Both of these women spent time with me this morning to talk with me and pray with me. While I can't remember eveything they said, I took it to heart and I will always remember that they took that time with me when I needed it the most. Melinda told me to take things one day at a time, one hour at a time if I have to. She told me to look for God speaking to me whether it be through another person, radio etc., that what I hear was meant for me at that moment. She also said to ask, seek and knock (something she said to me 3 yrs ago when my Grandma-Dad's Mom, passed away) to ask God to speak to me and help me. I want so much for God to reveal answers to me, but at the same time I realize I may never get them. Gail has been a huge encouragement to me. Her wisdom is so inspiring. I just want to soak it up like a sponge. She always asks me questions that make me think. Deep. I don't think anyone else in my life has ever done that. I am so thankful for her. She told me that I have my Dad's wisdom that he shared with me, that he would want me to be happy and to live my life through him. Use what he taught me and live it out. One question she asked me today was "What words of wisdom do you remember your Dad saying to you? " It actually caught me off guard for a minute. I almost said I couldn't think of anything specific right now, then it came to me. He said "Your thoughts are your life". He had been saying that to me for at least 6 months to year. Gail thought it was very wise for him to leave those words with me. I know what he meant when he said them because he always had a positive outlook on life. I hope someday I can get to a point that I am as positive as he was. I am very thankful that God put Melinda and Gail in my life. I needed to hear what they said even if I don't remember every word. If you are reading this, please pray for me.

Busy Weekend

I have had a busy weekend. Friday morning I drove two hours to meet friends for a Jimmy Wayne concert. I planned this trip about a month ago. I think I needed the break even if it was only one night away. I had a good time with my friends, but I also had a hard time thinking about my Dad. I just can't stop thinking about him. No matter where I am or what I do. He is always on my mind. I don't think there will ever be a day that goes by that I don't think of him. The show was good, but a couple songs made me cry. One in particular. He sang a new song he wrote about people helping others in need, people that are good people. I cried through the entire song. My friends and I got in line to meet (even though we've all already met him) him while we were in line, I had a little break down. I just started crying. My friends were great. They were there for me and made me feel better. I talked to Jimmy for a minute when I got through the line. He asked if I had a good time. I said yes, but you made me cry. He asked why. I told him the new song got to me. He asked why. I told him my Dad passed away two days after Christmas and the song reminded me of him. He said he was sorry. I told him that he was a good man. He said he'd do anything for anybody. I said yes, he would, that's the kind of person he was. He just nodded his head. I walked away amazed that Jimmy knew exactly what I would have said next without having to say it. He understood.

I spent the night in the hotel with my friends then drove the two hours home in the morning, getting home in time for a wedding. It was a nice day (even though it rained for a while) and everything was beautiful. I took alot of pictures. I spent the evening putting the photos on my computer and editing them. Being busy made the weekend go by fast. Keeping busy keeps my mind off of things, but still doesn't take away the hurt in my heart.

Purpose Through The Pain

Today I watched a video that a friend of mine had posted on her facebook page. I listened to the video and while I feel that it didn't really apply to me because the hurt I'm experiencing is different than what he was talking about, some of what the speaker said made sense. I think I can try some of the suggestions he made. He was talking about people who are going through pain and finding a purpose for the pain. Finding something to help them get through the pain. Find something to be passionate about to help them heal. He was mostly talking about people who had been attacked in some way, not really someone that lost a loved one. However, I can take what he said and use it in a way that does fit me. But, I am not ready to that yet. I don't feel I'm in a place to find something to be passionate about. I hope to find something some day. What he said made me think. Finding something to be passionate about (like helping other people in need) will help you heal. He said it will help other people that are hurting heal too.