A New Year

It is a new year today. And we are starting this new year with a new life. A life without my Dad. I think I am still in shock. None of this feels real to me. It's just so hard to believe he is gone. I feel like he should be walking in the door any minute or that we should be hearing him laugh at my girls. We were supposed to be celebrating this new year together this weekend, but instead we had a funeral. I don't think I'll ever think of New Year's the same way. We didn't have our traditional meal of pork & sauerkraut, mashed potatoes, dumplings & green beans or corn and it doesn't even matter. Food is the last thing I want to think about. I don't have much of an appetite any way. I haven't all week. I'm exhausted physically and emotionally. I think I've slept a total of 6 hours since Monday. I don't seem to sleep more than 2-3 hours at night. I can't even nap during the day. Sleep just doesn't come. I don't know how long that will last, but right now it's not important.

We keep talking about Daddy. Everything seems like a blur. It doesn't feel like a New Year.