Father's Day

Today is a hard day. It is the first Father's Day without Daddy. I have been away from him before and not able to spend the day with him, but I've always been able to call him and talk for a while. This year I wish I could just wipe the day from the calendar. Not to minimize it for Rob or for any other fathers, I just don't want to think about what I no longer have. I still wanted to do something for Daddy and I kept trying to think of something I could do to honor him. Several suggestions were made like making a box and writing him a message or writing him a letter, lighting a candle for him or spending some time alone and thinking about him. I didn't do any of those things, but I do plan to do something that will be meaningful to me, I'm just not sure when. Soon. I did plant a rose bush in front of my porch and found an angel statue to sit next to it that will be in his memory. I still wanted to do something specifically for Father's Day. I may go back and buy that card. Maybe that seems weird, but it feels right. I can't not acknowledge my Dad. I whispered Happy Father's Day Daddy when I woke up this morning. That just doesn't feel like enough. I like the box idea. I may find one in a store or make one and keep notes and letters in it, maybe even pictures.

Church was hard this morning. I was ok at first, then cried a few times thinking about Daddy. One of the ladies handed me a card. I wasn't sure I wanted to read it, because I had a feeling I knew what it said, so I didn't read it at first. I did open it after a while and it said what I thought. She was telling me that I was in her heart and she knew the day would be hard for me without my Dad. She lost her Dad too and it was still hard for her. It was so sweet for her to think of me like that. Before the sermon, the preacher had us greet the people around us. A man was sitting at the end of our aisle so he walked over and said hi. I told him Happy Father's Day and it felt so strange to say it to someone that wasn't my Dad even though I have done it many times before. It just felt different saying it to someone and not to Daddy. It didn't feel different to say it to Rob, but to another man, it was. When church was over, another close friend also said she knew it was a hard day and I just started crying again. She hugged me and we talked for a few minutes. I still didn't want to be thinking about it being Father's Day.

Of course, even though I would like to wipe the day away, I know that I can't so I decided I needed to focus the day on my husband. He is a wonderful father to our girls, and he deserves to be honored. We hadn't talked about what he would like to do, then an opportunity just fell into our laps. We took a trip to NYC for the day. His stepbrother and his family were in NYC for a few days, and we offered to meet them and spend the day with them. So we did. It distracted me from thinking about Daddy all day and dwelling on the fact I don't have him anymore and I think it was a nice way to spend the day for Rob.