Wednesdays

Wednesdays have been rough days for me the last couple of weeks. Why? I don't know. Usually Sundays and Mondays are hard. Sunday because that is the last day I saw Daddy alive and spoke to him on the phone. Monday because that is the day he died. Those days are still not easy, but Wednesdays have become hard. Tonight at church the discussion was about pain and suffering in this life. The main question was WHY? Why do we have so much pain and suffering? It is one of the questions that would be most asked to God if we could ask him any question. I'm not sure that there is an answer. One of the gentlemen in class said he thought it was to strengthen us, to help us grow in our faith. I have always believed that too. We go through trials to make us stronger as a person and stronger spiritually. He also said that when a loved one goes on before us, we know that we have that hope to see them again one day and that will help us strive to be a better person, to live our life the way we should so that we can see them again. However, that does not make dealing with the loss of my Dad any easier right now. Nothing does. I don't expect it to happen over night. I know it will take time. I don't expect to ever get over it. I think at some point I will learn to live with it. We watched a video of a testimony a man gave while his wife was sick with cancer. He talked about asking God why? Why does his wife have to suffer? She's only 43, Why does she have to die so young? He then said what it all came down to was the resurrection. Jesus suffered a painful death. God couldn't take that away. Jesus had to die on that cross for us. And we also have to endure pain. I could not stop crying. Another woman commented that sometimes we suffer because of choices that we make. We don't do what is right and that is the consequence. Another woman said that sometimes it's just life. It's not in our control. There was a part of me that wished I had just walked out of that class. When I heard the topic, I thought Kim, walk out now. Just leave. But I stayed and tried to get something out of it. Even though most of what was said was hard to hear because of the pain I am going through. I hope someday it will give me strength.